It's called "TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF". Why do I lack confidence in my abilities/creativity/etc.? Simple. I haven't worked hard. It's a vicious cycle. I'm so afraid to hit the drawing board because of bad memories and bad confidence, yet by avoiding drawing, I'm only getting rustier. My fear of feeling that emotional pain sadly outweighs the knowledge that this destructive behavior will NOT advance my skills. I KNOW why I lack confidence, yet struggle daily with the fear.
To ALL OF YOU ON DEVIANT ART: Don't end up like me. I'm pushing 40 years old and NOWHERE NEAR where I should be. Lame excuses and cowardice does NOT justify anything.
Definately, wish I was a little more exposed though! Depending on how you look at the situation, my life has put me in a position where my confidence in my artistic abilities seems to be one of the only bright spots.
Because sometime, somewhere I read that: An artist must always practice their creativity or else their skills as an artist will never grow.
Well...how can I when I feel so miserable all the time? How am I suppose to? Every-time I see my kid brother working on his art assignments, I see his skill level aeons ahead of mine. When we're visiting family or friends, my mother constantly brags about my kid brother by saying how he can paint this or that. When they ask about me...she just says: Oh. My daughter just graduated--she's so behind everyone her age who's already working. She's just staying home and taking her sweet time.
I just feel really unmotivated and at a loss at what to do. Doing nothing seems to be a skill I excel in
Ehh not at all. I always see really good doodles/sketches/artwork from other people and think "I wouldn't be able to draw that if I wanted to." So I have to keep practicing and going outside my comfort zone!
Every artist probably believes they can do better, and is never 100% satisfied (especially looking back over older work), but that aside, I still have many areas to work on. That being said, I know the areas I struggle with mostly, and with practise (and observation) I know I can get there. So I am confident that I will be confident with my artwork!